Sunday, January 25, 2009

Wizard Water as an Engine Additive

A warning for boiler operators: Wizard Water© should be used with great caution in steam engines! I was travelling by train from Savannah to Atlanta a couple years ago when a woman who was in the family way began to go into labor. Knowing that the train was still a good six hours from Atlanta, the lady’s husband importuned me to assist in delivery. I agreed, for the price of one bottle of Wizard Water©.

Upon payment, I immediately left the woman and took the bottle of Wizard Water© to the engine car. I poured its contents into the boiler. The locomotive picked up speed and arrived in Atlanta within 30 minutes! The woman’s personal physician was waiting at the station, and he safely delivered to her a healthy baby girl. The parents expressed to me their extreme gratitude.

This so impressed the engineer that he bought my entire supply of Wizard Water©. I warned him to use it sparingly.

Unfortunately, the engineer disregarded my advice. I later heard that the train broke the speed record for the Savannah-Atlanta run, but was unable to slow down at stations or for stray cattle. One stationmaster who had the wits to observe the secondhand on his pocketwatch estimated that the locomotive reached an unprecedented 91 miles per hour as it roared through town, just before it jumped the track. The United States Postal Service sued the train’s owner for misdelivery of mail, and several farmers also sued for the replacement of some prize bulls and a long stretch of fence. The engineer lost his job. I had to leave the state for a while.

Let this be a lesson to engineers and boiler operators alike! I deeply regret belated mail delivery and the loss of farm life through misuse of my product. (It's nice to know, however, that somewhere in Atlanta there is a little girl who bears the middle name of “Doc”.)

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Sunday, January 18, 2009

Doc Johnson's Advice for Poker Players

Doc Johnson playing pokerI lost a bit of money playing poker the other night and has some advice for other players:

1. If you want to walk away with your winnings, never play cards with a man named “Deadeye.”

2. Playing poker is usually safer than betting on horses. It’s a lot easier to hide a card up your sleeve.

3. Don’t play with another man’s deck. He might be as crooked as you are and know where you’re hiding the aces.

4. Never play poker with politicians. They can bluff a whole lot better than you can.

5. Poker should never be a game of chance.

copyright ©2009 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Cure for Hiccups

I have found a cure for the hiccups, but it is more trouble than it is worth. It involves corn mash, chickens and high explosives.

I would go into detail, but don’t want to implicate certain individuals of short temper who conduct activities regarded as illegal by some authorities in this region. I will say this: never allow chickens near a still, especially if there is a mining operation nearby. The Dahlonega magistrate has been trying for over a week to identify the source of a flock of defeathered poultry that dropped on the courthouse on New Year’s day.

copyright ©2009 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Mountain Music & Medicine Show, Jan. 3 2009, Pt. 2

Sophie BrogdenSaturday night's show went well -- at least nobody got hurt or arrested, so we think it went well. Young Sophie Brogden (the grinning girl at right) overcame her shyness long enough to fiddle a few tunes,

Drive Train Drive Train (pictured at left) produced some powerful music (likewise the Georgia Potlickers, the duo Curtis Jones and Randy Smith, and house band Mist on the Mountains).

Offstage, cast members had as good a time as the folks in the audience (pictured here: Hal Williams and Melanie Pruitt, Mel Hawkins and Joe Matteson, and Jim White). Thanks to all who came and helped out!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Mountain Music & Medicine Show Jan. 3rd 2009

Doc will be in Dahlonega, Georgia tonight for the Mountain Music and Medicine Show. Come by and visit with the folks at Nix's General Store (that's Doc with some of them -- from the left: Doc, Professor Grant (Gabe Russo), the Announcer (Mel Hawkins) and Mr. Nix (Hal Williams)! -- And of course hear some great bluegrass music! (Thanks to Al McLeod for the great photo!)

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