Sunday, September 25, 2011

Modern Photography

I am an impatient man and am constantly looking for ways to do things faster. Take photography, for instance. Why should it take hours to create a photograph? Why not a few minutes?

Accordingly, last month I offered some Wizard Water© to a photographer I know in order that he might conduct an experiment. The fellow added a few drops of my elixir to the chemicals he used to develop his contact paper, to see if it sped up the development process. It didn't have the desired effect. Instead of the portrait developing in less time, the process took even longer than usual. To make matters worse, the visage he photographed did not appear at all. All that showed up was an image of a pair of hands seemingly reaching toward the camera lens -- hands that did not even belong to the photographer. He processed three such sets of images before the truth dawned on him: the paper was reproducing the light that had fallen on it when it was first manufactured.

I was sorry to hear this, as otherwise I might have greatly expanded the market for Wizard Water©.

An old soldier who was at the studio for his portrait put things into perspective.

"When I was young, we only had the daguerrotype, and it took over 30 minutes to imprint an image on the plate," he said. "The portraitist made us sit on tacks so we wouldn't blink. It was very uncomfortable."

"Folks today have it easy," he continued. "You only have to hold a pose for five minutes. Five minutes! Why, if you tried, you might even hold a smile for that long! How marvelous is modern science!"

And I suppose it is.

copyright ©2011 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Bleb Overindulges

The first annual Tony and Ann Ianuario Memorial Bluegrass Festival was well attended, and folks not only enjoyed five fine bands (The Buzzard Mountain Boys, Pool Mountain, Three Bucks Shy, The North Georgia Bluegrass Band and BlueBilly Grit) but at the end of it anyone who played an instrument was invited up on stage to jam.

A fine time was had by all - even my mule Bleb. Bleb is not partial to music, but he did discover a grist mill up the Yamtrahoochee Creek a few hundred yards from where the festival was being held. He sampled some of the ground corn meal, then some of the unground corn, and heartily approved of both. Luckily the miller was attending the festival and did not return until after Bleb had left. Bleb is paying for his overindulgence, though - he has a bellyache that rivals the time he ate a barrel of pickled okra.

I wish Bleb would develop a better sense of taste. You would think a creature with such big ears would appreciate a good fiddle tune -- but then you would think politicians would know when to stop taking credit for good weather.

copyright ©2011 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

First Annual Tony & Ann Ianuario Bluegrass Festival

Saturday afternoon, September 17, I'll be emceeing the first annual Tony & Ann Ianuario Bluegrass Festival in conjunction with Art in the Park at Hurricane Shoals Park, Maysville, GA. Tony and Ann were special people who loved bluegrass, handcrafts, storytelling and helping their community. The event is free and held in an open-air amphitheater. Join Pool Mountain, 3 Bucks Shy, BlueBilly Grit and The Buzzard Mountain Boys for four solid hours of bluegrass!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

A Shortcut From Dahlonega to Gainesville, Georgia

I'm back from Dahlonega after hosting another Mountain Music and Medicine Show. The show went well, even with a few lineup changes, but I was little short of funds afterwards when the sheriff' passed the hat for his Indigent Relations' Fund.

On a positive note, I believe I found a shortcut out of that town that takes you nearly straight down to Gainesville, instead along one of the roundabout mountain roads. Just drive a waterproof vehicle, such as a tightly constructed medicine show wagon, into a shallow section of the Chestatee River. Unhitch your mule and invite him to step onto the wagon bed. Throw a few bottles of Wizard Water© against a boulder upriver behind you. Wait for the Wizard Water to take effect. When the river has risen to about tree height, ride the wagon all the way down to Gainesville.

This shortcut will shave at least six hours off your trip. It is not for the faint of heart, though. Or anyone transporting drygoods. In fact, I only recommend it if you need a fast way out of town and know the sheriff can't swim.

copyright ©2011 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.