Sunday, August 26, 2012

If the Creek Don't Rise...

...I'll be at the Holly Theater in Dahlonega on September 1 with Cornbread Ted and the Butterbeans, Jim Wood and Friends, and Sawnee Creek. Hope to see you there!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A Useful Household Product

If a bug should ever get stuck in your ear, have someone blow smoke into the ear. This will stun the insect and cause it to fall out. If you find yourself short of smoke, try to stockpile some by freezing a goodly supply in winter when your hearth is most active. Frozen smoke also comes in handy for preserving meat and darkening fabrics such as those to be used for mourning clothes and bankers’ suits.

It is easy to freeze smoke – merely wait for cold weather, then mist the air above your chimney with a few drops of  Wizard Water©.  As the water freezes in the chill air, the droplets will adhere to the smoke. Carry a large framed screen with you to catch the frozen mist quickly, otherwise it is likely to fall and shatter. Once coated in smoke-ice, the screen will have a dark but highly polished, reflective surface which can also serve for viewing oneself. Store the screen in an ice-house until it is needed, then merely place it in a warm location to melt the smoke.

Or you can avoid all that trouble and go to a smoke vendor. He will sell you smoke-screens in various sizes. I should warn you, though, that the prices are likely to be higher in summer. I should know, as I was once in the smoke and mirror business. I still occasionally deal in it.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

An Unexpected Event

I was caught in a meteor shower last night. Luckily, I was asleep under the wagon at the time and Bleb was stabled for the night. The roof of the wagon must be replaced, however. I must also find a wheelwright who can remove rocks embedded in metal rims.  

On the positive side, the wagon bed is now full of meteor dust. I expect to make good use of it in the coming months.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Olympic suggestions

The ancient Greeks were fond of sports of all types. Once every four years they even suspended war between their cities in order to compete in their favorite sports – running, wrestling and throwing the discus.

There has been some talk of late of renewing this event on an international scale. I think this is a good idea, and I have some suggestions:
  1. Eliminate the requirement that athletes must speak Greek, or allow Pig Latin as an equivalent ancient classical language.
  2. Likewise, eliminate the poetry competition, unless it includes a physical element such as wrestling or belly-dancing.
  3. Make some sports more dangerous. One possibility: run a gauntlet over a track of hot coals. Another: juggle rattlesnakes.
  4. Serve something besides ox meat at the winners’ banquet.
  5. Put no limits on the monetary award that athletes receive, as long as the money comes from a betting pool and the winning bettor can split the pot.
  6. Make Wizard Water© the official beverage of the new Games.
I think these suggestions, if taken to heart, will vastly improve any revived Olympiad.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.