A Useful Household Product

If a bug should ever get stuck in your ear, have someone blow smoke into the ear. This will stun the insect and cause it to fall out. If you find yourself short of smoke, try to stockpile some by freezing a goodly supply in winter when your hearth is most active. Frozen smoke also comes in handy for preserving meat and darkening fabrics such as those to be used for mourning clothes and bankers’ suits.

It is easy to freeze smoke – merely wait for cold weather, then mist the air above your chimney with a few drops of  Wizard Water^©.  As the water freezes in the chill air, the droplets will adhere to the smoke. Carry a large framed screen with you to catch the frozen mist quickly, otherwise it is likely to fall and shatter. Once coated in smoke-ice, the screen will have a dark but highly polished, reflective surface which can also serve for viewing oneself. Store the screen in an ice-house until it is needed, then merely place it in a warm location to melt the smoke.

Or you can avoid all that trouble and go to a smoke vendor. He will sell you smoke-screens in various sizes. I should warn you, though, that the prices are likely to be higher in summer. I should know, as I was once in the smoke and mirror business. I still occasionally deal in it.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.