Olympic suggestions

The ancient Greeks were fond of sports of all types. Once every four years they even suspended war between their cities in order to compete in their favorite sports – running, wrestling and throwing the discus.

There has been some talk of late of renewing this event on an international scale. I think this is a good idea, and I have some suggestions:

1. Eliminate the requirement that athletes must speak Greek, or allow Pig Latin as an equivalent ancient classical language.
2. Likewise, eliminate the poetry competition, unless it includes a physical element such as wrestling or belly-dancing.
3. Make some sports more dangerous. One possibility: run a gauntlet over a track of hot coals. Another: juggle rattlesnakes.
4. Serve something besides ox meat at the winners’ banquet.
5. Put no limits on the monetary award that athletes receive, as long as the money comes from a betting pool and the winning bettor can split the pot.
6. Make Wizard Water^© the official beverage of the new Games.

I think these suggestions, if taken to heart, will vastly improve any revived Olympiad.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.