Sunday, February 24, 2013

A Winter's Tale

Winter is a terrible time to face an empty pantry, because weather conditions are not conducive to easy access to victuals. As a youth I occasionally had to hunt game in winter, and I never enjoyed it. One February I trudged out into the ice and snow, hoping to bring home enough for a meal or two, but had little luck. Finally, near sunset I happened on a large number of rabbits feeding on a hillside. They were easy to spot, despite their white winter coats, owing to their position along the ridge of the hill, where they were sillouetted starkly against the setting sun.

I raised my gun, aimed and fired, but the sunlight reflected off my gun barrel and blinded me, and I missed. The shot startled the rabbits, causing them to retreat. They hopped away too quickly for me to hit any with a second blast.

I returned home later that night much disappointed, and explained to my mother what had happened. She showed no sympathy.

"I should have sent your father," she said, exasperated. "You are too young to deal with a receding hare line."

Copyright © 2013 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Advice Regarding Food

Always remember the three B's: beer, biscuits and beans, the key to a balanced meal.

Never eat sand on a bet. Or on anything else, for that matter.

Chili -- in the right hands a sinus aid, in the wrong hands, a weapon.

Bearnaise sauce does not contain bear.

A fried pie can be carried in a coat pocket for later consumption, but should not be laundered.

Beware of shiny meat.

Copyright © 2013 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Mining Weather

I once placed a gold-mining claim on a cave that was home to multitudes of leathery-winged creatures and insect-eating amphibeans. I tried mining it with explosives, but I had to stop after the townsfolk nearby objected - said they were sick of it raining bats and frogs.

Copyright © 2013 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

The Mountain Music & Medicine Show visited Cumming, Georgia last night, with musical guests The Skillet Lickers, Sawnee Creek, and Spontaneous Cracker Eruption. That last group plays good music, but several people came to me before the show asking why we didn't have a cure for them. I said we did, but we preferred to inocculate people with a sample first.