A Lack of Politicians

I once stopped in a town that had no politicians. Three fellows were running for mayor, but one of them swore the other two were liars and the other two agreed. The election ended in a tie because no one could be certain which candidate was the least truthful.

The local government had to be suspended. That cost the town a railroad contract, since there was no one to manage the bribes and poker taxes. The situation was not resolved until the next horse-trader came to town and promised to handle all the double-dealing.

This is the trouble that honesty can get you into, at least in government.


Copyright © 2013 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

The Fisherman's Aid

Wizard Water^© is also known as "the fisherman's aid".

The captain of a fishing vessel told me that he was once becalmed in Mobile Bay with a load of crustaceans in his nets. The catch needed to be brought ashore quickly or he risked losing his entire investment.

Luckily, the captain had a bottle of Wizard Water^© on hand. He sprinkled the contents of the bottle on his catch and threw them overboard while they were still in the net.

The creatures revived instantly, grew several sizes and, since it was August, headed straight to shore.

Naturally, the ship that the net was attached to also followed. The captain not only salvaged his catch, he earned a bonus for bringing it inland as far as Louisville.

The captain then tried to enter his catch in the Kentucky Derby, but the judges turned him down.

They felt six legs was too much of an advantage, unless the crustaceans were running for office.

Keep that in mind should you ever find yourself trapped at sea -- sometimes it pays to be shellfish, but not always.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

Another Cowboy Event

Next Saturday I will be at the Wild West Fest in Marietta, Georgia.

I understand there will be fast-draw demonstrations, lasso lessons and all kinds of Western activities.

I will NOT provide the cow catapult as earlier planned.

The catapult, which can hurl an adult male cow across a field and into a lake, is a spectacular and entertaining diversion, especially at night when sparklers are tied to the animal's horns and tail.

However, election season is coming up, a newspaper reporter will be there, and the town council is reluctant to be credited with throwing the bull.

Therefore, there will be no grand finale paying tribute to all the cattle drives of the great wild west. Folks will have to enjoy my usual honest pitch for Wizard Water^© without any embellishment, and wait for the cows to come home on their own.

copyright ©2011 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

Doc Johnson's Advice for Poker Players

I lost a bit of money playing poker the other night and has some advice for other players:

1. If you want to walk away with your winnings, never play cards with a man named “Deadeye.”

2. Playing poker is usually safer than betting on horses. It’s a lot easier to hide a card up your sleeve.

3. Don’t play with another man’s deck. He might be as crooked as you are and know where you’re hiding the aces.

4. Never play poker with politicians. They can bluff a whole lot better than you can.

5. Poker should never be a game of chance.

copyright ©2009 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.