The Secret to Longevity

The secret to longevity is to live as long as possible. Proper diet and exercise can help. Here are a few tips on how you can incorporate proper diet and exercise into your life:

1. Do not overeat.
2. Do not undereat.
3. Do not eat anything your mother-in-law fixes after a heated discussion.
4. Do not eat near wild animals, or dispute their claim to a meal you thought was yours.
5. Chew your food thoroughly. Always spit out foreign objects such as sand and lead shot.
6. Do not eat with your back to the door, or your head in full profile near a window.
7. Always eat in a room with at least two exits.
8. Practice running. Running is a vastly underestimated aid to longer life.
9. Swimming can also extend your life.
10. Do not forget how to climb. Some people regard climbing as just a sport for young boys, but the ability to climb trees and scale walls is physically beneficial for adults, as well.
11. Practice ducking on a regular basis. Ducking – the act of suddenly bending one’s head or entire body to one side or another -- is a good form of exercise, as it maintains muscle flexibillity and keeps you mentally alert.

All of the above practices, combined with the help of Wizard Water^©, will contribute to a longer and healthier life than you would have known otherwise. Last but not least: learn when to stop talking. This is called “exercising restraint.” It is a particularly healthful form of exercise, especially when combined with running, swimming, ducking, or tree-climbing. If you doubt this, just look at me -- I am living proof that it works.

copyright ©2010 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

Doc’s New Year’s Resolutions

1. Don't excercise, as it leads to fatigue.

2. Hand over the day-to-day work reins to assistant in order to concentrate on product development.

3. Teach assistant Bleb accounting and how to play banjo.

4. Develop a hair restorative that doesn’t explode or eat through the bottle.

5. Develop more games of chance that aren’t.

6. Invent a cure for which there is no disease, and market the hell out of it.

7. Hide money where “Mrs. Doc” won’t find it.

8. Don’t hide paper money in the hay bin that the mule eats out of.

9. Convince printer to pay for labels in exchange for free advertising.

10. Convince mother-in-law that she should visit Tierra del Fuego.

11. Never warm the label glue near the stove when the wife is preparing gravy.

12. Eat fewer beans, at least before a show.

copyright ©2008 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.