Another Treatment for Snoring

On rare occasions, my recommended cure for snoring does not work. I once knew a man who respirated in his sleep with such great vocality that he woke his family AND the neighbors, and no amount of Wizard Water^© corkage seemed help. He came to me, very distraught.

“What can I do, Doc? My wife says I keep her awake all night, and everyone within two miles agrees with her!”

“Does it sound something like a whistle and a roar?” I asked.

“So I am told.” he replied.

“There’s your answer,” I replied. “Hire yourself out to a riverboat company. I know a captain who needs men like you. He says they are a cheap alternative to an expensive steam whistle. He hires one man for the day shift, and one for the night shift. Room and board are covered.”

The man took my advice. The last I heard, he was plying the Mississippi between Hannibal and New Orleans. The folks along the river occasionally complain about the loudness of the new “steam whistle,” but the captain is satisfied because other boats keep a wide berth. His family and neighbors are satisfied, too, because they get a full night’s sleep when he is home now, due to the fact that he has accustomed himself to working the day shift.

copyright ©2010 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.