Doc’s Advice on What Not to Give a Woman on Valentine’s Day

1. Poultry (dead or alive).
2. Fancy mail-order face cream “that gets rid of blemishes.”
3. A sturdy shoulder yoke to help her carry water buckets.
4. A mechanical corn-shucker.
5. Chocolate-covered novelty foods, such as green beans.
6. Any perfume named after a city, such as “Eau de New York.”
7. Large new cast-iron frying pan.
8. Extra-large cast-iron cooking pot.
9. Cast-iron anything.
10. A fur sunbonnet.

Also, do not cook dinner for her if the only thing you know how to fix is beans and mashed potatoes.

Most importantly, do not try to save money by giving the one you love a slightly used bouquet of flowers (or if you do, first make sure the sympathy card is removed).

copyright ©2011 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.