Advice for Boot Owners

• Condition boot leather with a good strong oil, such as mink, neatsfoot, kerosene or whale. 
• If you use whale oil, stay away from sea lions. 
• If you use kerosene, do not dry the boots by a fireplace. 
• Clean boots gently. Do not wash them with lye soap or beat them on rocks. 
• Do not leave your boots outside if it's going to rain, unless you are trying to find out how well they hold water. 
• Do not leave your boots out overnight when travelling in the desert, because a coyote may carry one away. 
• Do not stomp your boots at political rallies or cattle auctions. 
• Always check your boots in the morning for unauthorized guests camping in the toes. 
• Cow leather is fine, and rattlesnake leather will impress bank managers, but alligator skin floats -- which can come in handy should you ever be thrown off a paddle-wheeler. 
• If your mother-in-law gives you an excellent pair of custom-made boots with pink stitching, it is alright to bootblack them. If she notices, explain that they frightened the cattle on the last trip you took out West. 
• Do not put your boots outside your hotel room door in hopes of getting them cleaned. The bellboy may take them for a gratuity. 
• When playing cards, always make sure your boots have a clear path to the door.

Copyright © 2013 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.