How To Get Rid of Fleas

Rub yourself all over with Wizard Water^©, including your scalp. In a few minutes the fleas will grow so large you can knock them off your body. Have a pistol handy to dispatch them quickly.

Be careful, though, to use just enough Wizard Water to dampen your skin without getting soaked. I knew a fellow who filled a washtub with my elixir and immersed himself in it. The tiny vermin grew so large that they filled the tub, and he was squashed to death.

You may ask, “Why don’t the people who take this flea treatment also experience a spurt of extreme growth?” The answer: Because fleas are so much smaller than humans yet unable to shut their mouths, they ingest far more Wizard Water per body weight than any human can hope to swallow. The flea’s metabolism, already rapid, accelerates at an abnormal rate, enabling easy disposal for those with good marksmanship.

If you abhor violence but are good with a rope, once these pests have grown large enough you can also lasso and sell them. Some cowboys prefer to practice their bronco-busting on oversized insects and will pay good money for a herd. Do not expect help from your dog in this matter, however. Dogs trained to herd cattle pay no mind to fleas.

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