Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Fastest Way Out of Birmingham

craterThere are times when one must leave a place sooner than one had originally anticipated, and as quickly as possible. I was in such a circumstance recently in Birmingham, and discovered that it is possible to leave that fair city, bypassing all the usual routes, at a speed similar to a burst of lightning. For such a method to work, it is critically important that on your way out of town you meet someone who transports kerosene by the wagonload. You should first try to clear the area of small animals and birds, though, as the smell of burning fur and feathers can follow you a long way. Also, don't plan on landing anyplace in particular.

(Some people claim that someday man will learn how to fly like a bird. I can assure you that kerosene will not be the means to this, anymore than cannons.)

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