The Cicada Problem

Cicadas have emerged from their underground caverns and are noisily announcing their presence in all quarters. I was approached by one nervous lady who had become exasperated by their ceaseless droning.

“It is like living among a convention of fiddlers who know only one note, yet must rehearse that note constantly, backwards and forwards!” she complained, wringing her hands. “What can you suggest?”

I told her of a farmer I knew who rounded up all the cicadas he could find – and he could find them easily due to their noise-making – and sold them to a baker in New York City.

“A baker!” she exclaimed. “Whatever for?!”

“I am not sure,” I replied. “I heard of a ‘bug biscuit’ concocted there as a cheap food for dogs. Perhaps you can locate that baker and profit from your problem.”

“I know some young boys who might be willing to assist me,” she said thoughtfully. “ - if I offer a bounty for each bug. I am sure to recoup my investment.”

She hurried off. I heard no more from her, but I wish her well. I did not tell her that the dogs who were offered such biscuits refused to eat them, and the baker was left with a surplus of insect-enriched flour.

In some countries cicadas are eaten to no ill effect, but whenever I visit that metropolis, I choose my restaurants carefully.

Copyright © 2013 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

The Farmer’s Friend

Every product I develop is thoroughly tested at home before I take it on the road. I may stop this practice, however. Last summer I came up with a way to help farmers who must milk their cows before sunrise. I collected a lot of lightning bugs and fed them to our cow. Sure enough, her udders began to glow in the dark. I neglected to tell my wife about it, though, before I went out on a sales trip. When I returned a few days later, she told me that if I planned to market this product I should also include something to treat chickens that stop laying eggs – as ours had -- due to prolonged exposure to a woman’s screams.

copyright ©2010 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.