An Ingenious Use for Wizard Water

A cowboy once told me of an ingenious use he made of Wizard Water^©. He'd purchased an expensive pair of leather boots, dyed in a red plaid pattern, but worried that thieves might make off with them in the night. Before going to sleep, he placed a rattlesnake in one of the boots, and let it be known that he had done so.

His trail companions not only left his boots alone, they slept in the chuck wagon.

Come morning, the fellow placed a jigger of Wizard Water^© in a gunny sack near the occupied boot. Then he tipped the boot over in the sack's general direction. The snake, upon smelling the elixir, slithered quickly into the sack. The cowboy then scooped up the sack, tied it and carried it in his saddlebag until the next night.

He planned to continue thusly for the remainder of the cattle drive -- dropping the snake in the boot each evening and luring it out in the morning -- occasionally putting a mouse into the sack for the snake's nourishment and added incentive to return. After the first night, though, the Wizard Water^© had its effect and the snake began to grow. In the morning, the rattler completely filled the cowboy's right boot and could not be dislodged. He could not shoot it without damaging the boot, and he could not knife it without risking its poisonous bite.

Finally, he sprinkled Wizard Water^© over the boot, whereupon the leather expanded, freeing the snake. The snake had developed a fondness for Wizard Water^© however, and carried the damp boot off with it into the desert.

He tried to get a posse together to search for the boot, but no one volunteered.

The cowboy then sought out the bootmaker. Red is extremely hard to match, though, even when it doesn't come in plaid. The fellow eventually had to order an entirely new pair of boots. Mindful of his experience, he asked that they be plain brown. He no longer attempted to guard them with rattlesnakes.

Keep this in mind if you ever see a large plaid boot lying alone in the desert. Whatever you do, do not look inside.


Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.