Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Chicken Activator

Wizard Water© also makes an excellent chicken activator. If your chickens are sluggish, not laying, or already stuffing a pillow, sprinkle a few drops of my elixir over them, and stand back. They will revive in a most lively manner.

I was once lost in the Ruby Mountain range of the Nevada territory, when I found myself surrounded by Shoshone warriors. They tied me to a stake and started to gamble over my belongings. I realized that once they divvied up everything, I would not be long for this world. Then I noticed that their leader had a magnificent headdress full of what appeared to be many kinds of bird feathers. He laid it down near me to keep it from interfering with his gambling.

Though tied up, I managed to pull out a flask of Wizard Water that I always keep within my vest.

"Ho!" I cried suddenly. “Steal my property and I shall send yours back to where it came from!” With a flourish I sprinkled some of my elixir on the headdress. Seconds later, several feathers sprouted legs, then wings, then a full body.

Soon part of the headdress transformed into an eagle. The rest of the headdress followed suit. Up popped two hawks, a turkey, an owl, three falcons and several smaller birds that I did not recognize. My captors paused and looked at each other, muttering. I prayed that the headdress had received enough of my elixir to effect a full reaction. It did indeed. The birds continued to grow, and grow.....until they towered over us. Within minutes, they reached twice the height of the chief! The Indians appeared puzzled but stood their ground. The raptors grew full sets of teeth. The braves mounted their horses and rode away at full gallop. The birds -- most of them hunters -- took chase.

I never learned of the fate of the hunters, human or animal, but I was grateful that the former panicked. I was counting on it, in fact. I knew that I would maintain my composure. Giant birds of prey with sharp teeth may seem frightening but they do not bother me. In my experience, hen-pecking is much worse.

Copyright © 2012 Laurie J. Anderson. All rights reserved.

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