Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Recklessness of Youth

squashThis past Saturday I sold a bottle of Wizard Water© to a young lad in Toccoa with the usual warning that my product is highly concentrated and should only be used in small doses. He had other plans in mind, it turned out, because his mother came to me that afternoon and reported that she found her son wrapped in squash vines.

Apparently, after hearing what Wizard Water© can do, the boy decided that a full dose would save him the trouble of toting buckets of water to irrigate his family's garden. He recklessly poured a whole bottle of Wizard Water© over some freshly planted squash seeds. No sooner did he turn to get the hoe, however, than he heard a loud "boom!" and was showered with dirt. He looked back and saw that the squash plants had burst out of the soil. The vines were running towards him. Alarmed, he hacked at them with the hoe, but they grew so fast that he couldn't hit them twice in the same place.

He tried to flee, but the vines wrapped around his legs. Before he knew it, he was thoroughly enveloped. He called out to his mother -- too late. By the time she arrived the plants had carried the boy past the garden gate. The mother was distraught, of course, and ran to me for advice.

"Can he breathe?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied. "And we've gotten about fifteen pounds of squash off him already."

"Then I would leave him there for a day or so, long enough for him to consider the error of his ways and for you to harvest the crop that he was too lazy to take care of in the proper way. When you have enough squash, water the plant thoroughly with well water to dilute my elixir, and cut him free."

She promised to do as I advised.

Let this serve as a warning to other like-minded youth -- laziness does not pay! If you doubt me, you can go see for yourself -- the boy is situated directly opposite the Toccoa train depot...or he was yesterday. Just stay clear of the vines.

copyright ©2010 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

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