Possum Music

A customer once asked me if Wizard Water^© was good for anything besides treating human illness. "Certainly," I replied. "It is the banjo player's best friend. All you need is a bottle of my elixir, a bowl of persimmons, a set of matches, and a small cannon.

"Around dusk, put out a bowl filled with persimmons and Wizard Water^©. Wait nearby with the cannon. When a possum appears and begins to sup from the bowl, carefully aim the cannon. Do not fire immediately, but wait until the Wizard Water^© takes effect. You will know it has taken effect when the creature grows to about half the height of a barn. Then take careful aim and fire. Due to the creature's increased size, you will not miss. Make sure the cannon is aimed away from any human habitation.

"Once you have killed the possum, skin it as quickly as possible and stretch the undamaged portion of the hide over a banjo frame. The hide should tighten of its own accord within a few days. In no time at all you will have a musical instrument at almost no cost.

"The advantages of a possum skin banjo are two-fold: 1) it serves as a warning to other possum; 2) its homemade appearance serves as a warning to those who would consider earning a living with this instrument."

Possum skin banjos, by the way, produce a clear tone, with no more hissing than what a banjo player usually encounters.

copyright ©2010 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.