Thoughts on Economics

One way to save tax money – fire Congress. There’s three-quarters of the government budget right there. We have enough laws as it is.

For instance, there is a national law that prohibits the printing of money by any agency other than the federal treasury. Now what kind of law is that? If every man could print his own money, there would be no poor people. Everyone would be a millionaire.

Another ridiculous law – individuals cannot make their own treaties with other nations! If you should want to export Wizard Water^© to Moose Jaw, Canada, for example, and drew up a document exempting your elixir from United States export tariffs on medicine, the federal border patrol agent who inspected your elixir would not recognize your treaty. He would charge you the full export tax, AND fine you for impersonating a government treaty-making agency! This is a serious impediment to international trade.

Another law we can do without -- the federal tax on alcohol. Proponents of the temperance movement believe this discourages drinking. In fact, some members of Congress have the dangerous idea that all forms of liquor should be outlawed. This will never pass, however, because without beer and whiskey, how can you influence votes? The people of Moose Jaw, I might add, entertain no such impractical notions.

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If we can’t do away with Congress entirely, it should only meet every ten years, just to make sure we don’t need any more laws like the ones I’ve mentioned. Or they should only meet during the hottest months. This would encourage our representatives to deal with the most important issues, like reelection, and then quickly adjourn.

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If I was in Congress, I would only concern myself with one issue: the gold standard versus the silver standard. There are good arguments on both sides, but our lawmakers cannot reach agreement.

To break the deadlock, I propose that neither gold nor silver be used. Instead, the national treasury should back our currency with Wizard Water^©. Like gold and silver, it has practical applications apart from that of currency. What’s more – and what can’t be said of those so-called precious metals – Wizard Water^© improves the health and well-being of its owners without delay. You must take gold or silver to a doctor to pay for his examination, then take more gold or silver to the pharmacist who fills out the doctor’s prescription. With Wizard Water^© you need neither doctor nor medicine, for you have both at hand in one bottle. This saves tremendously on travel and medical costs.

I am willing to help the nation establish a more sensible and economical monetary standard by providing the government with enough Wizard Water^© to replace the metals currently stored in the federal treasury. As a patriotic gesture, I will even replace them with Wizard Water^© myself. I will only do so, however, if there is no export duty on transporting gold to Moose Jaw.

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