Sunday, September 26, 2010

A Desert Chase

Wizard Water© is a powerfully potent potion, but must be used with care! Do not spill a drop! I was once walking through high desert country when I tripped over a rattlesnake, accidentally spilling a few drops of Wizard Water© on him.

The snake reared up his tail and gave a long warning rattle. I picked myself up slowly, so as not to startle the creature further. That was enough time for the elixir to do its work, however. The snake grew in size. As his physiognomy increased, the distance between us decreased, and he -- no doubt thinking that I was approaching him -- rattled with greater urgency.

I needed no further warning. I leaped as far away as I could and then looked back.

Alas! The snake had lunged, too, and just barely missed my heel. I began to run, but he was on the move now and slithered after me with alacrity. I increased my velocity, clearing bushes and boulders. Still the creature pursued me, his size helping him to close the distance.

Well sir, I ran so fast that I ran out of my boots. Then I ran out of my pants, and then my drawers. The viper kept coming, though. With great relief I saw that we were approaching a cliff. Just before we reached the precipice, I slid into a gully. The snake could not brake so easily and sailed out over the edge. By this time he was going so fast that he split into a dozen smaller snakes. These split into a dozen more. They rained onto the landscape below.

Later, I warned some ranchers in the area that they might expect an increase in poisonous serpents. They dismissed my story, perhaps because I was not properly attired. "If that were true," said one, "we'd throw you to the varmints."

From this experience I learned two valuable lessons:
  1. Do not spill Wizard Water© on snakes.
  2. Never issue a dire warning unless you are fully clothed.
If you are ever in western Wyoming, you can see where it happened and judge the truth of this story for yourself. Just ask the locals to direct you to Snake River. Don't mention my name, though.

copyright ©2010 Laurie J. Anderson, all rights reserved.

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