Sunday, December 27, 2009

Year-End Accounting

The end of the year is a good time to review the accomplishments of the preceding 12 months and develop plans for the future. This past year I achieved the following:


- Learned how to run backward while carrying a case of Wizard Water©.
- Increased my poker game stakes limit so I don’t gamble in excess.
- Memorized the names of all the sheriffs and judges within 50 miles of
    Binkleman, Nebraska.
- Developed enough self restraint to withhold criticism of mother-in-law
    after her second visit of the year.
- Acquired a new grey coat and top hat.
- Practiced not singing when humans, mules or dogs are present.
- Ate fewer beans before shows.

Charitable Work

- Donated a free sample of flea cure to my mother-in-law.
- Gave mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt on two occasions
    that involved food poisoning.
- Gave wife a new apron and iron stewpot.
- Did not sue the Binkleman, Nebraska merchants’ association members
    for attempt upon my life.
- Gave the Binkleman county, Nebraska road crew a discount on a bottle
    of Wizard Water in exchange for help removing a shackle.
- Taught Bleb basic accounting, not only to assist with my business,
    but also so he has a source of income when he retires.
- Encouraged Bleb to eat fewer beans before shows.
- Gave full refund to two dissatisfied customers outside of Dahlonega,
    as well as three silver dollars, my pocketwatch, hat and boots.

All in all, it has been a productive year, but there is always room for improvement. I plan to work on mind-reading and faster methods of travel.

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p.s. Speaking of Dahlonega, I will be visiting that fine town again on the second day of January to host the Mountain Music & Medicine Show. Hope to see you there!

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