Sunday, June 14, 2009

Wizard Water© Helps Church Sing-along

Speaking of music, Wizard Water© can also aid performances.

pump organA minister told me his biggest problem was keeping his congregation awake during the service. “My sermons are quite lively,” he said, “but the music director insists on choosing slow, solemn songs. She claims our old pump organ is too stiff to handle anything energetic, and so plays everything at a snail’s pace. As a result people drop off to sleep – even during ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’!”

“Put a a few drops of Wizard Water© in the instrument,” I suggested, “and stand back.”

He returned a week later to report success.

“I must apologize for doubting you,” he said. “You were right. I sprinkled quite a bit of Wizard Water© between the keys and in the pedal mechanism and other interior parts, and when the organist began to play, her speed more than doubled. We had the liveliest renditions of ‘Bringing in the Sheaves’ and ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ that I think I’ve ever heard. In fact, hymns that normally take about ten minutes each instead took about two minutes total. Everyone was quite out of breath by the end of the songs.”

“If only the service hadn’t been a funeral,” he continued. “Several attendees were unable keep pace through all ten stanzas of each hymn and collapsed. The organ also caught fire, and the music director developed blisters that now impede her playing. Somewhat understandably, I have been asked to look for another flock.”

So those of you who wish to pick up the pace of your musical endeavors, consider applying a few drops – a very few -- of Wizard Water© to the instrument of your choice. Choose your moment carefully, though.

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